Expectations

I think older child adoption issues have a lot to do with expectations.  When your child comes to you as a newborn there are little to no expectations.  You expect them to cry, want to eat, and poop.  And they live up to these expectations quite well.  In turn they expect to be loved and have their physical needs met. Which are easy enough to meet.  Now an 8 yr old is a whole different ball game.  I expect certain things from him as an 8 yr old and he has expectations of all of us for sure.  At first it took me a back that someone who has come from having just his basic needs minimally met could expect and demand so much.  I became irritated with him that he would be so ungrateful and expect to have whatever he wants, whenever he wants. And then I realized that his behavior points to the hope that he has managed to hold on to.  The hope that his life would change, that it would be the opposite of what he has had.  That he could go from nothing to having everything.  What hope must a child have in the face of adversity, what faith to have such high expectations.   And yes he will learn that more is not always better.  And he will learn what it is to be in a family and what is love, and what is a need and a want.  But for now I will try and remember that his "selfishness" stems from just a deep seated hope that he has held on to for so long;  That his life would change instantly.  I know that we will continue to all grow and figure out each other, and that in the end our realities will far exceed our expectations.  I know we will all begin to change our expectations and see each other for who we really are and love will cover it all. May God's love fill in the gaps of our longings and teach us true love as we love one another.