Moms on the John

I have been a mother for over nine years now.  And although there are lots of things I now understand about motherhood, there are a few that still remain a mystery.  One of which is the bathroom issue.  And I know enough to know that this isn't solely in my household. Which is good to know really, it makes us all feel better to know that it's not just our own kids who are certifiably crazy.  It's true, in case you didn't know it; A mother going into a bathroom is somehow the most important person in the world at the moment. It's unexplainable, irrational, and frankly gross.  Seriously, why when I am literally crapping are my children so drawn to me?!  What do they think I am doing in there that they are missing out on?  Eating cake? (I wish)  Today I had 4 out of 5 of my children hanging around the bathroom door while I am in there.  At times little fingers go underneath the door, can't they smell what's seeping out?  Why do they want in?!  Are they afraid there is some escape route (again I wish) where I will leave from and never return?! Maybe it's that if they need anything they feel helpless because I am not visibly there.  Like what if they get hungry in the five minutes that I am in there and starve to death before I come out and give them some pretzels?  And when I did emerge I found one of my children out in our living room on the floor crying because he needed help with his math and I wasn't there to help him.  I mean sobbing.  Cause apparently when a mom goes in the bathroom somehow time gets lost for her children and 5 minutes seems like 50. And if they ask questions or need something and I tell them, "I am in the bathroom now, you need to be patient."  They let out this annoyed sigh.  Isn't it my right to go to the bathroom, isn't it part of being a human being? Isn't this one of the inalienable rights our founding fathers talked about?!  I am thankful for great women of the past who fought for our freedoms.  Yet I feel one was greatly overlooked and I might start a petition for a new amendment: A Woman's Right to Poop.  Who is with me?  

----And by the way somehow Fathers in the bathroom do not have the same appeal, no one hounds him. Gender Inequality at it's worst...