Waiting

Why is waiting so hard?  I guess at it's core it's a realization that you cannot control anything.  The only thing sometimes to do is to do nothing at all.  It involves humility, trusting God, and self control not to freak out while you wait.  Why do I know so much of this?  Because for two years we waited for our daughter from Ethiopia.  Sure, we didn't see a picture of her until 13 months in, but she already seemed a part of our family in ways that only another adoptive parent could know.  It is an amazing thing how God begins to store up love for our future children as we wait.  Wait to hold them, wait to hear any news, wait on God knowing He is in control.  So now we have our daughter home and it is amazing.  Yet.... I am in hurry to wait again.  I am drawn to a boy in a neighboring country of hers and I already have begun to imagine him with us.  I see him sharing our boys room and playing out on the street with the neighbors.  Why am I in a hurry to begin the agonizing wait?  Because I know what is worth all the wait in the world when my baby girl nestles her nose in my neck.  I know that God will sustain me and strengthen me and draw me near which is the best place on earth to be. I crave the pain and agonizing wait because I know God will meet me there.  It is a dangerous place to be, I may never get to hold this boy that I could see as my son.  But I know wherever he calls home will be the place God has ordained for him since the beginning of time.  So I pray for J tonight that he would feel loved, even if he never feels my love or embrace.  He is your child God.